Phoenix

I literally JUST now had an epiphany. I'm so excited and giddy about the teeny tiny break in the dark cloud that has been hovering over me for the past week that I couldn't even spell epiphany (I used spell check). For the past two days I've been contemplating going to Arizona and just driving and driving and driving on the desert roads until the thirst in my soul is quenched and the thick blanket of pity embracing my spirit melts under the hot rays of the desert sun. I was about to title this blog "Reborn" when I realized that the Phoenix is exactly that! Born, dead, and reborn over and over and over again. And, Phoenix, Arizona is the place that is calling me. I mean, I literally just checked out ticket prices and everything. Either I'm going crazy or this is some sort of sign. I don't know. Maybe, it's both: a sign that I'm going crazy.

Anyway, I just had two glasses of wine and yes, a cigarette. It's been a ____ week and yesterday, I caved and went to 7-Eleven to buy a pack of Dunhills. The guy at the register had never heard of them so I bought a pack of Camel's instead. I was lured to them by their chic black and neon pink box. The tobacco industry sure knows the art of seduction. I promised myself I would only smoke one and then give the remainder of the cancer sticks to a real smoker or better yet throw the darn things in the garbage. Alas, I had another one today with my second glass of wine. I really have to get rid of that pack!

The point I really wanted to make is this: Siddartha, the wind speaks to us too, not just the river. As long as we are willing to listen.

I love all of you! And, yes, Lisi, that includes you too, even in this estranged crevice of time that is our lives.

I think Therefore I am?

So, it's 24 days into the "new" year. In case you are wondering, the quotation marks signify what I perceive to be an arbitrary point in an arbitrary concept, time, created by man.

So much is going on in the macrocosm. Gaza is burning and bleeding. The recent inauguration of Barack Obama, the first ever black president of the United States, took on historic proportions. Record numbers of people in the US are losing their homes.

And, there is so much going on in the microcosm of people's individual lives whether related to or unrelated to the aforementioned events.

And in the midst of it all I find myself lodged in my own little microcosm. Sometimes, I feel strong, sensing the weight and certainty of each step I take. Some of the time, I feel like the surface of a lake on a windy day, ripples in every direction.

Truth lies within. Who knew something so close could be so obscure. Maybe I need to learn how to read.