how precious love is

and yet how we waste it ... or rather how it is wasted on us humans. It is the most awesome thing, the only thing, the raison d'etre of existence and yet ... yet we take it for granted ...

Music is love. Just now, I listened to a particular piece and it penetrated so deep, so fast, so unexpectedly that for a few seconds I was unhinged and overwhelmed by love ... it cut through layers of pride, ego, hang-ups, fears, etc. to the ineffable core of it all ... that place wherein there are no boundaries, no space or time ...

Ice Cream Truck

It's 1:17 on a warm and sunny late September Sunday afternoon and I just heard the ice-cream truck go by. It's funny how one little melody can unleash a flood of thoughts, memories, and feelings. It reminded me of the simplicity of my childhood. It didn't remind me in a theoretical sense, but in a visceral way: as though for a few seconds I was transported to that dimension where that simplicity resides, somewhere under layers of growing up.

Ah to just be ... sometimes I look forward to growing old, really old. I imagine it will be a return to childhood.

I don't know...

what to title this post. I am on the brink of starting the fourth week of medical school. Aaack! At times, I still can't believe I'm here. It's been such a long journey. I've been beating myself up because according to my "exacting standards" (as one friend of mine describes them) I didn't start on the right foot and everything hasn't been perfect (i.e. I have not been studying 24/7 and have not memorized every single muscle of the leg, its proixmal and distal attachments, its nerve innervations, and blood supply).

I just can't take things too seriously. Nothing is permanent and I am just a transient manifestation of love.

I want so badly a life that is devoid of emotional drama, the bain of my existence, but ... well, I have allowed it to follow me here. I wanted to start fresh and clean, but the familiar drama or rather my familiar emotional reactions are here with me. I feel like they are mocking me, those pesty feelings. I'm not sure how to shake them off, how to break old habits, but something tells me it's all up to me and in my power.

I just can't take things too seriously. Nothing is permanent and I am just a transient manifestation of love.